Kinds of Gular Verbs

There are two kinds of gular verbs, re gular and irre gular.

• Re gular verbs are transitive verbs that take their tense from the state in which their object or adverb exists. Present, past, future, lost, dependent, ruined, rising, falling, revered, despised, bought, sold, liquidated, born, unborn, and beyond hope are among the many tenses that a re gular verb may have.
• Irre gular verbs, unlike regular ones, have a direct object or adverb that is wholly irrelevant to the verb itself. Irre gularverbs are always followed by the word “asiv.”

Usage

“To own” is a re gular verb that has past, present, and future tenses, as follows:

• “Julia ownsnow a goat”  — Julia owns a living goat.
• “Julia ownsbeen a goat” — Julia owns a dead goat.
• Julia ownswill a goat” — Julia is saving up to buy a goat.

“To marry asiv” is an irre gular verb. The sentence “They are happily married asiv” can be variously translated as:

• “They are married asiv they are happy whether or not it is truly so.”
• “They are happily married asiv that could change at any time.”
• “They are happily married asiv anyone gives a damn.”

 Examples:

1.

• Mary ownbeen a little lamb. Its fleece was asiv white as snow.
• And everywhere that Mary gobeen, the lamb bethen* sure to go
• It followed asiv her to school one day, which beobey against the rules.
• It makebeen the children laughthen and playthen to see asiv a lamb at school.

* “bethen” is the coincident tense of the re gular verb “to be.”

2.

Tomorrow, Toby gowill to work, and will hate asiv his job. Toby arguewill with his boss, and his boss firesmaywill Toby’s ass, whereupon Toby regretwill losingwill his job even though he hated asiv it.

In this example, “hate” is irre gular because the kind of job Toby has is irrelevant: he will hate it no matter what.

Discussion

As Example 2 makes clear, it is almost impossible to judge the correct form of a gular verb without knowing everything about the past, present, and future circumstances of both the subject and predicate of the sentence, including ones that may be unknown to the subjects and predicates themselves. For this reason, it is impractical to teach gular verbs in grammar classes, because each conjugation must be preceded by a lecture if not a semester-long course to provide the necessary background.

Today, gular verbs are rarely used except by clairvoyants and libertarians. An edition of Atlas Shrugged using entirely gular verbs is said to exist.